BradHummr

BradHummr. The story of a jerk just trying to start trying to find a meaning in life. This is his story.

When Brad was born sometime in the past, well...he was born.


 * Fast forward*

Brad is now 17 years old. He plays the role of a roommate in the hit sitcom "A Police Officer and a Jerk", he has written 47 different guitar solos and he has successfully created a world of his own.

Brad hasn't always been so successful, however. He once struggled.

In the time of the dinosaurs, Brad was always being hunted. Despite his friendly connections with creatures at the top of the food chain, Brad never gained the respect he gave his fellow dinosaurs and was banished.

While Brad was alone in these times, he embraced the rain as his friend and became an aquatic creature. He learned to swim and breathe through artificial gills by a clownfish. The clownfish taught Brad the way of the sea, but instead of making Brad happy and lifeful, it saddened Brad. The hard truth was the fact of the concerned world that Brad once lived in.

Brad wanted to abandon his undersea life, but he loved his friend the clownfish. One day a shark ate the clownfish and Brad was free from the sea. He devoured his artificial gills which were actually made out of a rare material known as Fruit Loops, and Brad ventured onto the newfound land which he emerged on that was newfound.

It was about this time that Brad found out he didn't have asthma. This was a devastating blow to his well-being and it prevented Brad from walking the earth once more. Brad isolated himself in the deepest corners of the sea to await new life.

A great asteroid hit earth and wiped out all of Brad's former disrespecting dinosaur lowlifes and Brad felt anew even though he was at the bottom of the sea and did not know about the asteroid. Since Brad had been holding his breath all these years, he needed more oxygen and swam to the surface.

Brad was horrified. He could see life of no sort anywhere and no plants grew. Brad picked some seaweed and grew it on land to make oxygen for him and that's how trees eveolved. Trees are a very important part of today's climate in all places of the world. Brad does not get credit for evolvation of seaweed into trees, but he can still be remembered by visiting the San Francisco Visitor's Center where he etched his name on the underside of a bathroom stall wall.

After millions of years, other creatures evolved while the Brad stood at a standstill. The first life Brad encountered was a small creature known as a small creature that was not yet named because scientists weren't invented yet so they couldn't be there to name it. Brad held the jellywalker in both his hands and smiled at it. It certainly looked peaceful enough.

After Brad was stung to death by the jellywalker, his body was preserved in sand until millions of years later, when ancient Egyptians dug up his body that still was complete. They ended up throwing the Brad into a lake where jellyfish stung him and jumpstarted his heart, bringing him back to life.

Brad was then enslaved. He worked for 36 hard years building pyramids and other structures Brad figured would not stand the test of time. It wasn't until his fifth owner that Brad was freed from slavery and adopted his own slave to free. Brad practiced this art until no slaves were left in Egypt and then all the slaves went to Disneyland and charged Brad's credit card to bankruptcy.

Without a home and without friends, Brad lived his life on the streets. He ate sand and dead sewer rats and drank saliva he spit in a tin can. Brad did not last long under these conditions, so 60 years later, he was dead.